


A Bit of a Rubbish Holiday

by Goldy



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-08
Updated: 2013-07-08
Packaged: 2017-12-18 02:09:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/874470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Goldy/pseuds/Goldy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>"Doctor, why is your tongue in my ear?"</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Bit of a Rubbish Holiday

Rose sucked in a sharp breath of air, swallowing instinctively as something slimy tickled the back of her throat. Her stomach roiled in protest and she choked back on a retch.

Rose Tyler was not having a very good day.

She was soaking wet, covered knee-deep in mud, _and_ there was an alien parasite... thing... crawling down her throat.

The Doctor's voice made her jump. "AHA! I've got it!" he said before he promptly turned around and stuck his tongue in her ear.

Correction–she was soaking wet, covered knee deep in mud, there was an alien down her throat, _and the Doctor had his tongue in her ear._

Rose flapped her arms.

“Doctor,” Rose said, summoning what little remained of her dignity, “why is your tongue in my ear?”

“It’s a Nerdwin Glow Worm,” he explained, “it’s allergic to Time Lord saliva.”

At least, that’s what she _thought_ he said. In actuality, it sounded more like “Irdnorm tlord salvadord.”

“Yeah,” Rose said, resisting the urge to swat him away like one would to a very large and annoying mosquito, “but why is your tongue in my _ear_?”

“That’s where it’s planning to build its nest,” said the Doctor and even though he was grunting, she still caught his tone of how-could-you-not-know-this-you-puny-human in his voice.

“In my _ear_?” she squeaked, legs suddenly feeling wobbly.

“Oh, yes, give it another 20 minutes and there will be a good half dozen more Nerdwin Glow Worms crawling around inside of you.”

At that, Rose Tyler did something she’d never done before in all her travels with the Doctor—she fainted.

When her eyes fluttered back open, she found the Doctor’s arms around her and his tongue, somehow, still stuck in her ear.

“Ude ‘ainted,” he pointed out, looking so disapproving that she mentally translated it to, “Rose Tyler, that was pathetic.”

Rose wasn’t sure she’d ever been so horrified in her life—and that included the time her mum and Pete called her into the bedroom because they’d both accidentally handcuffed themselves to the bedpost and couldn’t reach the key.

“Doctor, how much longer is this—” she began, but something in her stomach tightened in agony and she stumbled away from him. She managed to stagger for a few steps before dropping to her knees. Then, head bent over the ground, she retched up a Nerdwin Glow Worm. The worm twitched a few times and then lay still, hissing.

“All right?” said the Doctor.

“Yeah—” began Rose, but before she could finish, the Doctor bent low over the ground, prodding at the worm with his sonic screwdriver.

“There we are,” he said in a low soothing tone, “you’re alright, aren’t you?” Rose stared, incredulous, as the worm slowly began to wiggle again, blue glow growing brighter. “Go on,” said the Doctor, giving it one last nudge with the sonic screwdriver. The worm hissed and then buried forward, disappearing into the mud.

“Are you serious?” said Rose. “That thing just tried to give birth inside of me.”

“Well, it didn’t do it on purpose,” said the Doctor, straightening. “What do you expect—fresh young body walking into its habitat like that.”

“Oh, right, so it’s my fault!”

The Doctor’s brow furrowed. “Rose, you know I’d never let anything hurt you. Besides—“ he absently flicked dirt off the sleeves of his suit, “human beings in general make for very poor wombs.... Rose? Rose, where are you going?”

Rose didn’t look back as she crashed through the underbrush, branches whipping by her face. She heard the Doctor take off after her. “Blimey, it was only one glow worm. I don’t see why—”

Rose whipped around, “It’s not just the bloody worm!” she said. “I’m stuck in the middle of an alien forest _covered_ in two feet of mud with a broken tent and _apparently_ it’s MY fault for having a rubbish womb!”

The Doctor nearly ran straight into a tree branch. Pushing it out of his way, he scratched at the back of his neck, frowning. “I didn’t say that. When did I say that?”

Rose ignored him. “This is the worst anniversary ever.”

The effect was immediate. His expression went from frustrated bafflement to kicked puppy in under two seconds. “Oh,” he said quietly, sticking his hands in his pockets. “I see.”

“No, I didn’t mean—” Rose began, suddenly feeling like she wanted to go and have a good cry.

“Yeah,” said the Doctor. He squinted into the fading sun. “It’s not exactly the third moon waterfall of the Dari System, is it?”

Rose opened her mouth, hesitated, and then closed it again. She had to be very, very careful to avoid anything that sounded like, “Well, it’s the next best thing.”

“Don’t talk like that,” she admonished. She reached for his arm, coaxing his hand out of his pocket. She entwined their fingers together. “I’m just in a foul mood ‘cos I coughed up a Nerdwin Glow Worm, yeah? But you—you are so brilliant, Doctor. No TARDIS, but look at you, making a teleport that can carry us half a universe away.”

The Doctor glanced around, looking put out by the mounds of mud and thick shrubbery. “I was hoping for somewhere a little more... oh, I dunno...”

“Romantic?” Rose suggested.

“Somewhere with an alien species more interesting than a Nerdwin Glow Worm,” said the Doctor. He flashed her a quick smile. “But essentially yes.”

The Doctor’s version of “romance” _would_ include them running for their lives. “There we are, then. That’s a smile.” She paused, quirking her brows. “I love your smile.”

He grinned properly at that and then released her hand to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. “I love _you_ ,” he said. “I suppose it has been a bit of a rubbish holiday, hasn’t it?”

“Oh, I dunno,” she said, matching his grin. “It’s getting better.”

They gazed at each other for a few more moments before the Doctor cleared his throat and offered his arm.

“Rose Tyler, care to join me for an evening of canned beans while I charge the teleport up to take us back to Earth?”

Alright, so other couples got cute Scottish inns and hot tubs for their anniversaries while she got a glow worm trying to lay eggs in her ear—at least it made for great stories.

Plus, she got to be married to her favourite man in the universe.

“That sounds _brilliant_ ,” she said, taking the Doctor’s arm.


End file.
